CHILDREN OF THE WORLD

We find most of our workers in Africa, particularly The Congo, Niger, Algeria, Mali and Chad. However, we also use child workers from Southeast Asia and rural parts of South America. The great part about our operation is that everything we do is legal. We have put in countless hours with government officials to analyze legislation banning domestic child labor and trafficking, and we are confident that we have found a perfect loophole. With 22 million people on the end of some form of oppressive slavery every year, we recognize we need a popular pop culture icon to back our crusade. That is why, starting today, we are happy to announce that we are partnering with Snoop Lion, who was sued in 2010 for lyrically endorsing forced labor, who will release a new single that will broaden our audience to include mainstream Americans.

We stand in opposition to the UN, as they attempt to impose a brutally oppressive set of resolutions under a principle called rule of law. Not only will these resolutions eliminate the loopholes, but they will hold the leaders of Nestle and Costco responsible for any slave or child labor occuring within their company. We think this is unfair, as we recognize that any good company employs a fair amount of oversight when it comes to how products hit the table. We want to take a moment to address the elephant in the room... isn't this kidnapping, extortion, and a violation of current child labor laws? YES. But it's okay, because if we get caught, we will just say we had no idea any of this was going on.